MUSING WHILST FLYING – PART TWO. THE RICH, FAMOUS AND SUCCESSFUL

Last week I was sitting in the lounge at Prague Airport listening to a very loud American guy dictating to his much younger assistant, who was rattling away on his laptop, looking completely terrified.  It was so irritating that in the end I moved and then got lost in my book.  When I got to the plane and went to my seat (it was one of the business class flights mentioned in my last musing!) I was surprised to see the American sitting by the window and the young guy in my aisle seat still being dictated to and still rattling away.  He immediately leapt to his feet and apologized, saying that he was just sitting there until I arrived.  And then he got up and moved to economy, telling the boss he will see him the other side.

I pondered all of this whilst we made our short flight to Zurich (and was also pleased that the American didn’t look at me, a mere woman, and ask me to take some dictation along the way too… he looked the type).  First, how odd it was to see someone dictating nowadays, rather than simply typing for himself.   Second how strange to see someone who was obviously successful (and rich?) drinking three double vodkas on a relatively early and short flight (another story), and third, whether, should I ever need to have an assistant travel with me, I would book myself into business but expect them to sit up the back – and I would like to think that I would not!!

Sitting on a plane, though, is a good place to watch human behavior (even one’s own!).   A few years ago we were swept into an entourage leaving Malaga business club lounge to go to the plane, and when we suddenly got surrounded by a load of cameras, realized that they weren’t for us, but that we had somehow got included in a group that included Julio Iglesias!  Now that was pretty exciting!  And how charming and easy going he was to everyone; we sat behind him on the plane and he couldn’t have been more normal.

A few weeks later, again from Malaga to Paris, we watched a famous opera singer sit herself down in the first row, with her assistant sitting immediately behind her.   No sooner had the plane started taxiing than the singer required her assistant to get up and find her scarf as she was cold (the stewardess allowed her to do that in sympathy, I think), and so it continued throughout the whole flight.  On reflection, perhaps that particular assistant would have liked to have sat up the back away from her prima donna boss.

Over the years, especially since I started doing a bit of ‘talent management’, I have thought a lot about the effect that becoming rich and famous/successful has on people; some of my sports people are or have been very famous, and in the course of our PR business we have worked with many celebrities/politicians/well known business people, and how they deal with their fame/success seems to vary from person to person – but pretty much without fail, it always has a weird effect.  

One of my sports people complains about being hassled wherever we go, but insists on always meeting in one of the most popular ‘places to be seen’ in the city, and sitting bang in the middle of the room.   Another, who we worked with a lot before he became famous, was determined that he would ‘make it one day’ and behaved ‘famous’ from day one – whenever he visited, he would arrive in our office dressed in an ankle-length white fur coat and dark glasses, even though no-one had a clue who he was.  They do now!  And of course he doesn’t like it anymore.  Funny thing fame.

What is even stranger, is that some of the most ‘famous people’ in the world are sports people that, really, haven’t done an awful lot (sorry… I am, of course, sports mad and love loads of them, but it is true!)… in the scheme of things, whacking a ball, saving a puck, skiing very fast or whatever over what is a relatively short time span really isn’t that earth shattering.  I think a lot of them would prefer that this wasn’t the case (apart from the money that comes with it!).  My very famous ice hockey friend laments the fact that he finds it difficult to have a meaningful relationship as he is never sure if the ladies are interested only in him/his body/his money (surely not?!) or whether they actually like him as a person. I have told him to move to the UK where no-one will know him, and then he will find out!

Which leads me, I think, to our dinner with the completely wonderful Sir Bob Geldof.   To us Brits of a certain age, the person that most deserves to be famous, rich, adored. And yet when I went into my office the morning after our dinner (yes, sorry, got to mention that again) and told my Czech team, they all said ‘yer, who is he?’…

HOLIDAY LETTINGS

Having worked in the service business for the last 25 years I thought I had become immune to the demands of clients (who are always right); it no longer surprises me when someone needs something done urgently for Monday morning and tells us on Friday evening – and then on Monday complains that what was requested to be black on Friday should now be white… but then it changes back to black again on Tuesday morning (and the deadline is miraculously extended).  

It also became clear to me a long time ago that in my business the amount that we charge has very little relationship to the number of hours expected – basically, if a client is paying us, we are expected to do whatever he or she requires, irrespective of any hourly limitation (although, to be fair, it is usually those that pay the least that are the most unreasonable on this point!).  

I thought I knew all about the stresses that were involved in providing a service and the often unreasonableness of customers, but then I entered the world of ‘holiday lettings’!   First of all, I should have read the warning signs when I asked a ‘friend’ who we had allowed to borrow our lovely house in Spain for his holidays for three years running (for free!), to write us a reference on our new website to get the ball rolling.   Asked to mark the house between 1 and 5 he gave it a 4. A 4???   When I asked him why not a 5, he said that it was because (a) the white sheets hadn’t matched the cream coloured pillowcases during his last stay, and (b) the beach towels that he had bought the year before had become a bit tatty.   Stunning.  Sadly he hadn’t noticed the newly installed satellite dish and microwave, or the fantastic new dishwasher… just the things that he didn’t like.

However hard we try to make the house ‘perfect’ it can only ever be perfect in the eyes of the beholder – something that is nearly always the case with marketing – I have had many young employees over the years who, when chased to get a move on with something, have responded ‘ah, but I am a perfectionist’ – to which I always respond that it is not going to be perfect if the PR goes out too late, or the brochure doesn’t get to print on time – what, exactly, does ‘perfect’ mean?

When it comes to holiday lettings, what is clear is that the price that is being paid is completely unrelated to the offer – the holidaymakers have paid their fees, and they want what is, to them, perfection.    My friend in Prague who got me involved in this in the first place (yes, you know who you are!!), told me that we would have people that marked our house down because the walls in the sitting room were red and they preferred white – she was right.  We once had an American couple that complained that we didn’t have an ‘egg lifter’ in the kitchen and marked us down for the kitchen being badly stocked… anyone know what an egg lifter is?!

What we have realized is that people that go on these holiday rental websites are obviously in cahoots – it seems that they all have discussed the process of making complaints on arrival in order to prepare their case later in the day for a refund or discount; we recently had a couple staying that, upon arrival, complained that the key safe didn’t work (even though a blind monkey can use it) that the keys then didn’t fit the locks (and then they did?!) that the place wasn’t clean, even though a team of very good cleaners had been in all day beforehand, that I had said it was a couple of minutes’ walk to the beach when in fact it had taken them five and so on and so on.   We placed bets on how long it would be before they asked for a discount, and how nasty they would turn when we said no. I won (I said ‘very’). 

Another good example is a group of five girls that morphed into nine on arrival (I had thought that five was pushing it, but they were Ok with sharing…).  God knows how they managed with nine.  But one thing that didn’t manage was the boiler that was expected to pump water in the bathroom all day long and soon gave up the ghost.   They asked for a discount as we had assured them that we had good central heating and air-conditioning – but conveniently forgot that we also limited the number of people that could stay to five.  And a group of boys that the neighbours complained about for making too much noise every night, who burned cigarette holes in our duvets and sofa and left the biggest mess you have ever seen – but still chased us as to when we would return their deposit. This holiday rentals business is not for the faint hearted!

What is strangest of all as far as I am concerned, is that these people are fussy about every little detail when they are preparing to depart and upon arrival, but then leave horrible messes when they, themselves, leave the house.  Today I corresponded with a couple that left yesterday and said that they had had a fantastic time, that the house was great, blah, blah, blah.. but there were a couple of dirty plates in the cupboard on arrival.  I have just arrived myself and found that they have broken the handle on the cloakroom door, stained the brand new pillowcases and pretty much destroyed the dishwasher. Incredible.

Along the way, though, we have had a few good renters; and those that are nice and appreciate of the fact that we are letting them stay in our home will find that next time they want to stay they will get a discount and all the other things that the ‘bad ones’ expect. 

The morale of the story – there are a few.   First, if you want to find fault in something you can always find something.  But if you are looking for faults in order to get a bargain or a discount, then you are probably the last one that will get it.   At least in my world.   And finally… if you want to rent your house or flat out for money.  Don’t do it!

And don’t even get me started on some of these holiday rental websites; if you want to make a fortune without lifting a finger, set up one of these – the nearest thing to a license to print money!